What’s on Chick-fil-A’s new streaming service?

Have you ever gone to Chick-fil-A and thought, “Damn, I’d love to watch an unscripted, family-friendly show loosely based on this chicken sandwich?” You, and only you, are in luck. According to DeadlineThe fast food chicken chain plans to launch its own streaming platform, complete with original programming. I guess everyone has to diversify in this economy!

Deadline reports that Chick-fil-A is considering scripted and animated shows, along with unscripted content, and already has plans for “a family-friendly game show” from the same production team behind NBC’s The Show. The wallAnd it’s apparently not even the company’s first foray into entertainment; in 2022, Chick-fil-A produced a series of animated shorts called Evergreen Hills Storiesa series of vaguely Christmassy stories about being kind and spreading joy.

But what kind of television combines the spirit of family entertainment and… Not even that good Food served with an openly Christian touch, homophobic Message? We probably know it as well as Chick-fil-A, so here are some ideas.

• Eat more chicken:A cooking show starring Chick-fil-A’s famous cows, showcasing all the amazing meals that can be made with anything other than beef. The show will run for four episodes before the cows’ anti-red meat messages and guerrilla activism tactics become too didactic for viewers.
• Chicken strips: Imagine Naked Attraction fulfills The newlyweds gameBut a lot more tense. Teams of (non-gay) romantic partners must remove articles of clothing for every question they get wrong about each other, but don’t worry — all the PG-13 parts (i.e., everything from neck to knees) are covered in the chain’s delicious Chick-n-Strips. The winner takes home a cash prize and whatever strips they have on their body, which will probably last at least three meals.
• American Chicken Warriors:This is simply parkour through the drive thru window.
• Luxury spicy love:A Hallmark-style romantic comedy in which a big-city “career girl” visits her hometown for Christmas, falls for a handsome country boy over a banana milkshake, and returns to be a housewife. Who needs ambition and an income stream of her own when she can’t even get a good Christian milkshake?
• Moo Patrol: Also making an appearance are the Chick-fil-A cows, who roam the countryside capturing chickens with impunity to feed the chain’s expansion goals.
• Comb this for me!Is it like a game show where you throw pickles in your sandwich at things to win prizes or something?
• Mealtime treasure:Since they don’t want to pay the writers more, this is the show that happens when the company decides to create a cooking competition that is completely generated by AI. Recipes, hosts, contestants, and even the title are all generated by AI. It’s a pittance. Nothing works and the animation is too weird for anyone to enjoy. Everything goes to hell.